You can't fulfil every role. But living in a sexless marriage? But what of the swathes of who are very much not? It's not part of our national character. Everyone — sigh — knows the drill: Where do they winkle them out from? Ditto the something friend with grownup children who, though happily married, has not had sex with her husband or anyone else in eight years. But there comes a stage in any relationship when the prospect of ordering your breakfast together the night before becomes far more the point of a saucy weekend minibreak than does the prospect of uninterrupted bonking.
It's not the same for everyone, but I have come across many happy, sexless marriages. How shrivelling, how alienating that can be. As can all those American sitcoms where the cupcake-making mommy still wears a negligee to bed and is still hot for the daddy. You can't fulfil every role. Fidelity, monogamy, still sleeping with the same person after however many years — that is what we are all supposed to value most. One couple I know, who are the same age as me, have children and live in the US, have not been having sex for a few years now. That's not just insulting, it's pernicious. I might be out on a very long limb here. He goes to massage parlours for a "happy ending" every now and then, but would not dream of getting involved with anyone else. He doesn't tell, and they are fine. The one silver lining is a renewed passion for sex. It could be the nation's sordid secret. Such as, for example, the nice lady I met at drinks the other evening who volunteered how she had her first orgasm at the age of 50, and has been merrily bonking ever since. In other words, yes they are both having sex under the same roof, just not necessarily in the same room. But after one's broken the novelty shower-cap rule I've got a cow and a frog one, you? Or rather the lack of it. Men and women are far more prepared to talk about having extramarital affairs than about having a celibate marriage. But there comes a stage in any relationship when the prospect of ordering your breakfast together the night before becomes far more the point of a saucy weekend minibreak than does the prospect of uninterrupted bonking. Share via Email Blissful scenario … deep love and no pressure to have sex. The latest to spring to mind there have been so very many is the so-called Sex Census Perhaps even the world's. A married, male friend in the publishing business — 39 with one child and another on the way — still enjoys sex with his extremely beautiful wife, but is already aware of it becoming just another thing on the "to-do" list. Is it such a sentence? Not having sex is often a painful secret, though, because people always imagine there's something wrong with them after all, since no one wants to confess, many couples think their friends are all having more sex than them. Or might it not give us the freedom to fixate on something else, something we couldn't fixate on when we were younger because we were too busy fixating on you-know-what? Of course, it's ubiquitous, and is a couple's right to choose that if it works for them. Everyone — sigh — knows the drill:
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